How to Lose at Losing.

This is the story of the time I was in a lineup so bad that it couldn't do anything right, and that includes trying to lose...

During most pre-game pep talks, the coach takes a few minutes to speak of speed, strength, and courage to get their athletes to achieve their full potential. The point is to inspire a win. That’s why I knew something was up when our coach started our pep talk off by saying, “I need you guys to lose this race.”

'‘This race’ was the time trials round of the 2010 Midwest Scholastic Championships. That year, our team had enter 7 boats, 1 of which was a JV Men’s 8+. We didn’t really think that this boat had a great shot at winning but we still had all agreed to try. “Good one Coach, I know we’re bad, but we’re not that bad,” our 6 seat joked. But as it turned out this was no joke.

This particular event was set up in such a way that loosing actually worked to our advantage. There were 10 entries in the time trials and 10 spots available in semi-finals, meaning every boat would advance to the next round. Our coach was thinking tactically; the 10th seed from the time trails would race the 8, 6, 5, and 3 seeds, giving us the weaker half of competition so that maybe we could sneak into the final.

The plan was simple, go as slow as possible… while trying to pretend that was actually as fast as we could go. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to throw a race before, but it’s not as easy as it seems. For starters, people cheering for you as you come down the course makes you want to fast, very fast. Plus, you’re so used to pushing yourself in practice, having no speed feels weird. Its almost some sort of body confusing speed paradox.

In time trials, boats are sent one at a time and as we crawled down the race course, we were laughing and joking as our coxswain tried to get serious (about going slow.) It was a mess, no one had rhythm, we flopped all around, and about midway down the course a competing boat flew by and the rower behind me stopped and waved at them as they passed.

Eventually we crossed the finish line and went to see our placing. But even with one of the worst performances of our lives, we had placed, not 10th, not even 9th, but 7th! Other crews had realized the same thing as our coach and managed to out slow us. We would learn that 1 of these boats had gone so slow that they delayed the races coming down after them. We were dying of laughter at the discovery.

“I told you guys to lose, and you can’t even do that right?!” our coach demanded. “Well you guys are going to learn how to lose for real now.” And she was right. Two hours later, we got demolished by a full minute in our semi. We laughed just as hard then too.